Shoutout to my heartbreaker, I hope you’re happy now.

It takes a lot to make me hate someone, somehow you did. Pop champagne, congratulations!

I’m not sorry.

I am not going feel sorry for you for writing this.

I was never the one to write out of spite. You made me like this. Yes. I’m toxic and an emotional ball of anger. This is me, angry and hurt because of you. I was kind to you. I loved you. But you, you’re such a lost cause.

So, read this and remember. Read this and keep in your brain, etched it down and write it out on your fucking skull, I hate you.

You’re a villain in my story. You stole my innocence about love. You ruined my canvas of love that I tried to protect. Thanks to you, my heart even my self confidence is ruined.

The world hurts. Life was never fair. But to hurt someone because you had a bad life, a bad day is intolerable. To hurt someone, because of your indecisiveness, your ruined self-esteem was another level of vile. That’s fucked up and straight up bullshit.

To use someone as your emotional dumping space? That’s even crueler. I know I was an option. I know all that you wanted me for is for you to vent all the things you wanted without judgements. You loved the fact that with me, being a mess was so easy. You liked the fact that with me, there’s no strings attached. No labels. Nothing. But I hate the fact that I loved you. I hate the fact that I saw you as a good and kind person. You’re not. You’re just an energy vampire. You suck the life out of people.

You drained people. You messed up things. You broke people. And you know that too, don’t you? I know you do.

No kind person would do that. And now I see things clearly, you’re just an insecure person. That needed validations. No one wanted to give that to you and I was your greatest source of validations. You want to heal a person, but you didn’t healed yourself. You wanted to be the happiest person, but fake happiness is not real happiness. Fake smile is not a genuine smile. And I can smell that from you no matter how putrid the perfume you used. That your sorrows are toxic. That you’re an unhappy person.

Being unhappy wasn’t enough, you’re selfish too. You made your own obstacles. You made your own walls and ask me to cross it by myself. You drowned in your self made misery and you wished for people to save you.

Wake up, you don’t get a saviour. There’s no one will save you. Even when you’re buried deep underground, if you wanted to live you need to crawl and dug your way out. I’m no therapist that will listen to bullshit anymore, at your beck and call, just because I loved you. A mess you are. A mess I am.

You approached me first. You love bombed me, and you dare get scared when I liked you? But I was stupid, I gave you my attention, my time and even my energy. What a waste of dedication. I even gave you my heart, a list to my idiotic self. And I fucking let you.

You don’t reciprocate my feelings, that’s okay. I left because I’m an all in or nothing kind of person. We said goodbyes, then why did you come back and used me as your punching bag again? I don’t even deserve my peace, huh? Angry is not going to do me justice. I’m fucking livid and disgusted with you. I’m not desperate for love. I had lots of that. Love, the thing that you wanted most. I am loved. By everyone that known me. The most important thing is I am loved by me. Nothing can take that away from me. The amount of love that I have for myself. That’s the difference between us. I forgive, you avenged. I made peace with the past, you’re still in the past.

I don’t want to know you. I don’t want to cross paths with you. Let’s just be strangers this time. You don’t deserve me. And I don’t think you deserved anyone, unless you fix yourself. You’re a manipulator. You’re a toxic person. Don’t fuck with my heart anymore. You’ve done enough. I’m not your friend. Friends don’t use or fuck their head like this. I don’t want to be your biggest supporter anymore. I don’t want to be your friend. Am I a bitter person?

Hell yes. You never cared if shit hurts, then why should I care whether my words hurt you?

You know what you did. Be thankful because I don’t tell the world what you did to me. Be thankful because I still wish for your happiness. I still stand by the fact that the world was cruel to you but you have choices and you choose to break my heart, twice.

I regret knowing you because as much as I love you, you’re just so messy. Tearing people hearts into two, that’s what you do the best. But I played my parts too, I blamed myself too. For being so stupid. I’ll never be that girl again.

Hear this, read this, remember this.

You’re dead to me. Don’t ever come to me. Not even your ghost. We’re nothing to each other. Let’s stay that way until we died.

Rest in peace and fuck off.

Respectfully,

Nana.